Here are a few thoughts posted to the EmoMen discussion list after EmoTAZ retreats.
What an amazing Event! Words are not enough to express the whole experience. The various activities allowed me to explore and experience deep feelings and emotions previously unfamiliar to me; enabled me to interact and become intimate with a group of incredible men who otherwise I would have never have met; made me more connected to my inner self that pushed the limits of my boundaries; and reinforced my belief in Men.
Hello Fellow EmoTaz Men I am just going through that combination of emptiness and fulfillment that one experiences when reintegrating into regular life after a magical weekend of sharing and intimacy. It is like an emotional overload. There was the comfort of old friends, the excitement of making new connections, and the security and warmth of being with other warm, open, like-minded men that time did not permit making a one on one connection with. I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to be part of such a group of people; it has enriched my life enormously.
I am sure everyone has his unique concerns in the world outside of EmoTaz. In my particular case, I am about to embark on one of the male world's craziest and most intense adventures.... fatherhood. Most of us have strong feelings about our own fathers and the role of responsible male adults. Before going to EmoTAZ I had an idea about how to share my world and to learn from all of yours. I thought about asking each person to write down one word... so I could come away with 30 or 35 small but meaningful scraps of paper for an upcoming blessing ceremony. However, once the weekend began, the importance of such an activity lessened and I was content to just relax, have fun and soak up all the positive non-judgemental energy. There was some talk this weekend about ripples and the longterm effects that can spread from actions or connections. EmoTaz has left me with a feeling of calmness and trust. I appreciate all the organization, co-operation, generosity and openness. There were many good examples and I learned from all of you. Until my child's birth in June- and afterwards- I predict having a few stressful moments. I look forward to shutting my eyes and remembering the connected and powerful humming sound that comes from an old metal bowl and a circle of awesome friends.
My one priority/goal/hope in joining EmoMen (and in coming to EmoTaz) was to find a community to which I feel a personal connection, one in which diversity is expected, the spiritual is revered, and where the whole is in fact greater than the sum of its component parts. That is exactly what I found. Thank you all for contributions large and small...
To all my brothers with love, I am super blessed to have met so many gentle, compassionate kind souls. Emoman is a fine example of the amazing and powerful effect group consciousness has in our present times. I am truly thankful for playing a part. Until we meet again, may all our future experiences continue to enhance our magical-ness!
i wrestled · i defended · i offended · i reached · i flew · i opened · i gave · i received · i danced · i laughed · i shared · i delighted · i glowed!!!! It was too much to describe or analyze— it leaves feelings in its wake—a restlessness, and an emptiness—a sense of gain and loss it was fabulous i experienced no one without depth—and everyone with great intimacy—and there was barely time to realize it before it had passed
Time Enough for Chaos
There is still time for so much—
To fill the empty beds of the heart
With chuckling brooks and heady swirling waters
Carrying all manner of life and sound and thoughtless being
Downstream to empty again into vast nothing
Where all shall be still the beds empty memory fading
Until another season of rain.
and so i walk again in the common lands, knowing that others of my tribe tread similar paths, and watch for the gathering of clouds that might signal the next season... for that great maelstrom of feeling, sensation and experience, i am deeply thankful to you all—go well in peace...until then
I dealt with some separation issues yesterday and it occurred to me that doing the amount of growing that we all did and becoming so close over such a short period of time was itself a shock to my system. Suddenly removing that huge support system made yesterday weird. Thanks, brothers for being a part of my weekend and furthermore, my life.
Your energy and strength has been an inspiration to me and I am grateful to partake in it. I didn't know how close I came to all you guys until the next day when you weren't there.
Every single thing was so very intentional. I've been at gatherings before, but never with the number of people where I could get to know every person, some with great depth in ongoing interactions, some through pointed communication shared from the heart, sometimes just from quiet time. I see the list of participants and I have a face and memories to go with every one. A well hidden page on the Pinnacle website quotes Confucius "I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand." There is so much that I truly understand today that now seemed folklore or mere fact last week. I really see how often labels land on my path and the power they used to have at times. … The enduring emotions, feelings of belonging, of community, of love and friendship, of being challenged, and of being very much alive, these are woven very deep within me.
I want to share my deepest gratitude for one of the most memorable weekends of my life. During this trip I built trust, bonds, communication, and discovered inner strength, through your presence and encouragement. Collectively, you have transformed me when I thought further transformation might be inhibited by my own mind, or because I've done this before, or because of my own jadedness? You are wonderful souls, illuminating the landscape. I keep thinking about the clearing circle. I don't know why. It was so beautiful and a time of joy. I was happy and sad, tired and energized, ready to leave and wanting to stay, ready to see a female, and loving your male energy; all emotions mixed together. I got quite emotional because I saw how deep into each other's souls we reached and I feared giving it up. I'd return in a heartbeat.
I want to thank you all for creating comfortable environment that was perfect for exploring and challenging our boundaries. I learned a lot from all of you and even a little about myself. I also appreciate your understanding regarding the mishap in the woods. That was a significant learning experience for me, really. I share the desire to keep our close bonds intact...
You are an amazing group of people and I thank each and every one of you for the gifts. Time seemed to slow down and speed up in the TAZ. And in that “TAZ time” I felt myself gently plopped into the middle of the rivers flow. Everything is shiny or glossy. In the TAZ I hit terrifying rapids and it was very exciting, sometimes the flow slowed down and I could just watch the sky, look at the trees and be part of something bigger than myself. I realized I'm not alone and thank every one of you who helped to peel away all the layers so I could see myself.
All my life I've considered myself shy and isolated, and I've wondered why that is. Last weekend helped me see that it's completely of my doing, and I'm in control of the amount of isolation in my life. It also gave me the tools, and internal permission, to not isolate myself from other men. I've grown up with a small fear of what will happen if I open myself up to male intimacy. Now I know the beauty that I've missed, and have lots of catching up to do. The world opens up when you let it. Thank you for providing a safe place to discover that, and a place to distill the homophobically-safe "I love you, man" into its essence.
I connected with so many of you in such unique and special moments that I will always find strength and warmth upon reflection. This last week helped me grow outside my boundaries more than any week I can ever think of— I feel the connection between us all. I walk down the street and feel love and compassion for all people, even those that seem to choose the dark shadows to grow inside. I know again that we are all the same and that we all want to love and be loved, yet most often we do now feel we are understood or that we understand ourselves.
My smile is untiring and I have all of you to thank for it!! I now realize that I really pushed many of your boundaries and you were patient, respectful, caring, compassionate and understanding. I thank you for that so very much. I am still pretty self-absorbed as you likely notice, but I am trying very hard to do what I feel is best according to my heart, and I am thankful for every breath I take!! Since returning, I have continued to push those boundaries. One being my shyness; I used to be so nervous when in unfamiliar environments and I still am, but I have found something that I have in every moment and that is my faith in my intuition and my passion to be true to myself. Because of that, I feel I can do anything! ...
I have never felt so connected to a group of people in my life. I remember looking around at the closing circle and thinking how unbelievable it was that I felt connected to every one of you, and to almost all of you quite deeply connected, and yet it had only been a few days. I want to thank all of you for being so beautiful! Oftentimes, we are our own worst critics, and I just hope that the beauty that we all saw in each other can last and affect not only our relationships to other people, but also to ourselves.
Sometimes I have thought —would (someone) make a good EmoMan? But after this EmoTAZ I realized that this question is deeply flawed, for it does not understand that EmoTAZ is a truly transformational event. If any man made the commitment to attend and to be open to the experience, I cannot but think that he too would make an amazing EmoMan: for the EmoMan is in all of us if we are solely open to that part of ourselves. I love you all and miss you. My heart aches with joy and sadness,
Hello everyone, I've enjoyed reading about everyone's experiences at the TAZ this year, it's like a river of good vibes flowing over me the last few weeks. For me it's expressed best by Lou Reed in that "between thought and expression lies a lifetime...", it's really so much about being there and experiencing it, ya'll know what I mean. My hamster wheel dissolved completely that weekend and I even lost my hamster for a while, really it was a good thing.
I feel it is a great honor to be part of this circle, and I thank each and every one of you for opening up your heart and mind and speaking with such wisdom directly from your heart. I experienced intimacy with men on many different levels over such a short time span, the quality and integrity of everyone at the TAZ is truly blue chip. At times in the circle discussions others would express what I was feeling so well, where you all came from, and thanks for walking into my life. I truly believe every one you meet has a key to open something inside of yourself and only by engaging and sharing experiences, are you rewarded with life's gifts, should you be open and ready to receive them.
I'm thankful for a great stone skipping moment on the lake, and was very moved by a common thread that came up in the circle discussions that we are creating the first ripples in the lake towards men relating better to one another.
Thank you for the understanding. Thank you for the outstretched hand. Thank you for community. Thank hank you for the TAZ. Thank hank you for the respect. Thank hank you for kind words. Thank you for a blissful spooning the last night in the chill room. Thank you for lying in an inter-tidal zone and laughing at reflections/refractions and putting earthy things in your mouth. Thank you for the great music, and thank you for this opportunity. It continues to move me.
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